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They don’t know you, they haven’t met you face-to-face, and they don’t want to get stuck on a bad date.

In my research, I’ve found that a woman’s #1 fear online is that a guy will be awkward, creepy, or intense in-person.

ou’ve spotted a profile online you’re smitten with. I’m afraid that if it turns out to not be true, I might wind up in the middle of the Lincoln Center Barnes & Noble curled up in a ball weeping and muttering something about attractive women and the lies they tell, covered in all of Nabokov’s work.

I hope it is—the little man who runs my brain has taken over and made me send you a note.

I’m all for curled-up-in-fetal-position jokes, but he should quickly move on to commenting on something else in her profile.”-Kendra, 30, New York, New York The verdict: Eric gets kudos for originality and sense of humor.So please tell me it’s true before he makes me do something drastic, and I’ve already been warned that if there are any more incidents like the Swan Lake monkey-banana night of last week I’ll be banned from the store.-Eric The feedback:“This email is creative, maybe too cute. ’ and make it a statement instead: ‘I really find it cool that you enjoy reading Nabokov...’ And instead of ‘The little man that runs my brain....,’ I would simply say, ‘How could I not respond?’”-Roman Griffen, author of Internet Dating: Tips, Tricks, and Tactics“Eric will win a response because he (1) focuses on his reader: a woman who reads Nabokov; (2) shows interest in the same; (3) demonstrates a sense of humor about himself; and (4) initiates a discussion that has possibilities.”-Sandra Lamb, author of Personal Notes: How to Write from the Heart for Any Occasion“Of course an attractive woman can like both Al Green and Nabokov; why wouldn’t that be the case?How important is it to write a good online dating first email?The answer to that may seem obvious, but just in case it isn’t let me say: writing a great first message in online dating is critical to success or failure in your dating life.

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